My uncles are womanizers. One on his 5th wife, the other on his 4th. Some of their names I can’t even remember or the order. What I do know is the stories behind each marriage. Most of them were developed by the wandering eye of my strapping uncles.  Creeping out the back door to something new? None of this made sense to me until I got older. Jack, a cute guy with piercing green eyes, cheated on me. It was to be a one night stand…that turned into a relationship. They were in a relationship while we were together actually. They remained together for a year after we broke up. I like to think of our anniversary as their first date.

We see this in celebrity news from time to time, you know? Like Nivea and Dream for example. They were married, Dream started to work with Christina Milian on a new project, and all of a sudden BAM! They’re married with a baby on the way and Nivea is on the sideline with a baby by cast member of Where The Wild Things Are looking ashy as FUCK. In all seriousness, is this what we’ve come to? When the going gets tough, we don’t break it off completely until we are sure that the next is the right fit? Seemingly, infidelity is the new first date.

What’s interesting behind this notion is that it’s not far fetched. There are many of us that are just settling for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now because it’s cold or we’re afraid to be alone. We could potentially meet our soul mate or life partner while dealing with a temporary situation. What do we do? In all fairness, the RIGHT thing to do would be to follow that old Donnell Jones adage and leave as opposed to cheating. However, some just don’t see it this way.  We go on and dabble into the future and if the grass is greener, we slide on over! We cannot treat relationships like they are something ubiquitous and feelings are expendable. It simply is just…no.

Shopping for your new boo while with the old one is the new way to be successful. Right? I mean, didn’t Grandmother always say that it never heard to window shop, just as long as you don’t buy? This seems to be a growing phenomenon with those who are settling with Mr. and Mrs. Right Now. This is what Jack did. He would look at others and say, “There’s no harm with looking. I’m with you, right?” Right. They way he said it made his nuance of infidelity so innocent and ended up making me look like the bad guy.  Little did I know, he put an expiration on a relationship that didn’t even need to happen. In some ways, I thank him.

They broke up after a year, Jack and his new man. The new boo turned out to be a porn star that was into drugs. Turns out, their first date was not only our anniversary, but it was me getting to happy.

About The Author

X. D. is a blogger, social commentator, and digital content creator from New York City by way of the San Francisco Bay Area. He writes and vlogs about the everyday musings of what it is to be a Black male in a large city at X. D. takes his social commentary to his podcast “2 Guys And A Girl” on iTunes. He’s also been featured on, Mused Magazine and panels such as the infamous BasseyWorldLive founded by Def Poet, Bassey Ikpi.

6 Responses

  1. Aleks

    This is very true. I had an ex that cheated on me and then started a relationship wit the boy after we was done. It made me happy to kno he was doing her dirty. Yea I kno that’s messed up thinking on my part but at the time I was hurting. I just have no clue why people these days find it hard to be faithful.

  2. Benee

    Whats even more interesting is that the statistic is less than 10% of relationships that start as affairs result in marriage. I’m going to include long-term relationships and maybe bump it to 20-25%. Why? Because the person you creep with is as shady as you are and down the line you’ll both discover your mutual shadiness and begin to hate each other. Once the new car smell wears off the dick/pussy, what do you have? Two shady ass individuals. The grass is always greener on the other side and people don’t know how to be alone. So they hop from pasture to pasture, dodging committed endurance, and sleeping with disenfranchisement.

    Until someone puts a root on ya ass and u wake up missing an eye and feeling stabs in ya joints throughout the day.

  3. Drew-Shane

    I think we always feel more secure when we can actually leave the relationship to find someone else. I agree, this has been going on for a long time and it’s very common. Somehow when you’re with someone the risk of infidelity increases. Imagine that? Must be something about the word relationship bc ppl tend to flock to you when they know you’re involved w/ someone.

  4. Allain

    Well its not at all helpful that we kinda feel pushed to be in relationships by society in general. People often don’t know what they want, and situations like this make think that these people might just end up learning a bunch of things about people that they DON’T like/want in a mate. Valuable information, but you don’t need to learn it that way like it doesn’t hurt your mate. =/

  5. Rosetta Stone Irish

    I liked your post. However, it is not properly displaying in my monitor. I recommend you make sure your website design is compatible with all browsers. Otherwise, big thumbs up!!!


Leave a Reply